Sunday, 29 March 2015

I hope she would have never done this...

Gumraah - End of Innocence. This is a show which tells about teenagers
taking the action which they should not have taken.
So the episode that made me cry.
There was a happy family One elder son,
One younger sister the best sister,
One papa, One good mummy and
one bad grandmother.
Grandmother here is the mother of the father.
The father always wanted that his son should be a sports man.
Well it was because his father wanted to be a sportsman.
So it was like father making his dream come true through his son.
Like if father couldn't be a sportsman so his son would become.
And the child kept complaining about the pain in his lower abdomen,
like in the stomach.
But parents kept ignoring it like if there is no problem.
But one day when he was playing a tennis match in the tournament
and that was it he felt unconscious and he felt down in the court.
He was then taken to the hospital where it was like a very shocking
news for the parents. His one kidney had become dysfunctional and
other was like very critical or very severly damaged.
I'm Sorry I didn't remember the exact medical terms.
But he was on dylasis, and it was horrible that you
could not do anything.
So you can imagine the conditon??
The family felt broken.
But the ugly part was his sister was ignored continuously.
She was so kind so much beautiful.
She was very small like 10 or 12 years old.
She was constantly ignored at home.
Her grandmother always scolds at her.
She was held responsible by her grandmother, for her brothers health.
I mean how could she be responsible for his health.
What she had done??
Whats her mistake in life?
Do you know she was selected as a prefect in school.
She told her brother.
Her brother was her best friend.
She shared all her happiness with him.
They were best friends na.
But she was constantly ignored, in her own home by her own family members except her brother.
She felt less important.
Her self esteem was getting low. She felt that no one cared about her.
And eventually at the hospital her sweet brother was fghting between death and life.
His father also said to doctor to take out his kidney and give it to his son.
But see the fate he can't because his father is having high blood pressure So you know...
And they were really having shortage of money.
They were cutting everything.
That mature young girl said she would stop going to tuition classes.
Her mother resisted but they didn't have money so ummm... she stopped going there.
No one had ever felt whats going in her mind.
What was happening to her.
She had developed a kind of defence mechanism for herself.
Like she had a friend in a school, they were good friends, they had lunch together,
so her friend told her that her mother told her that her brother is ill too much.
She said No. He'll be alright.
Her friend said her mother doesn't lies.
That nice girl the best sister she said I've got a better idea.
Let's not talk to each other.
So then she kept to herself only.
She was so much killing herself inside.
She had that feeling that because of her only her brother is in hospital.
I don't know from where she had grown such thoughts.
And one night her father kept weeping and came to home.
All the money had vanished everything is empty.
they don't have money left.
The sweet little sister heard everything.
She was sitting there on the staires.
And she became so upset.
Like she really want to help her parents.
She does something which should not have been done at that time.
She drank the bottle of poison and ended her life.
She felt that she is not at all important.
You can imagine the condition of the family. The parents.
She didn't realize she was so much important for the family.
She was also the part of the family.
After two months of her death her mother found the suicide note.
Written by her "Mummy - Papa please give my kidney to my brother and bring him back home.
I'm sure one day my brother will become good sportsman."

Parents should treat their children equally.
Children are sensitive.
They leave signs before commiting suicide.
Please Please see it.
They keep to themselves.
They build a kind of defence mechanism like to protect their ego.
And you will never know it.
I know how it feels like.
No one cares for you and you cannot trust anyone.
Pleasen listen to them.
Don't ever ever ignore them.
They are precious.

Why can't people understand??

I live in a world today where no one cares about others.
I also feel like that no one cares what I feel.
What I think is to myself only.
Eveyone wants to earn money and save it..
Enjoy the luxuries of life.
It's just my intitutions and feelings that when a person
earns a lot of money and you know he is not a good person so I
think that the person spends his earned money on sex.
High class escort services and prostitutes.
I really don't understand why people do such kind of things.
You know this so called rich people are actually rich menace.
Are their feelings dead??
Or they don't feel anything just because their feelings are dead.
This episode on crime patrol and yep I cried like everytime I do.
I cry on regular basis.
I really cry while taking the shower, it's the best thing to cry like this.
No one can see me crying.
I cry so much by watching this show.
So in this episode a girl, she was 15 years old and she was missing.
If she had been missing all life it would be better but that's cruel life.
Her father had a shop of vegetables.
A small shop and he used to sell vegetables.
And he had son also, I don't know his age.
Her daughter used to live with her grandmother from the age of three and she was really happy there.
Her grandmother was nice to her.
They were living in a small village.
She was happy there and she also used to go to school there.
So her father took her away from her grandmother when she was thirteen.
She didn't want to go with her father.
She resisted but her father took her away.
Took her away from her grandmother.
What he said her was that it was for her betterment, her well being, better education.
So ummmm this was terrible.
That was actually the part of plan.
She was a nice girl but her father had different plans for her.
Her father brought her here so that he could sell her to make money.
He and his friend sold that girl to old men so that they could have sex with her and ummmm.
She used to vomit after sex.
After this incidence she was being sold to brothel.
Where you know... So she was in the bus and she somehow escaped from there.
When she was found the policemen asked her why she didn't tell her mother and what she said was really cruel things.
She said that when she said to her mother that she didn't like this she feels like vomitting.
So her mother said that if you have done it then what's the matter in doing it again.
She was such a cruel thing.
She said that money is necessary for family as brother is studying.
See no one cares about her and what she feels like.
Now the girl is in rehabiliton centre ummm called as CWC.
I think they will take nice care of her.
She would be happy there.
She would get rehabilated and soon she she will be between nice people.
I just cry... nothing else.
Tears are waste.
I do cry  very much.
Ummm if you remember the day when I wrote the message that I cannot trust anyone.
This was it...


It's a movie I watched yesterday.
It made me cry and sad.
It gave me a definition to love.
What love is really?
For that girl love is when you take care of each other.
Live with each other.
You are happy with each other.
And then you spend rest of the life each other.
And then die one day, in each others arms.
I don't know that thing.
Maybe I'm not that mature to understand such things.
Do you know if I'm staring a girl.
She could easily recognize that the staring is not out of lust.
It's something else.
I really don't know the answer as well.

Do you know every time you make compromise in your life.
You love someone else, you marry someone else.
You both love each other.
And because of this society.
You marry someone else.
You are actually making your future secure.
A girl's parents like her to be married to a guy who is rich.
I mean you really make wrong decisions in life.
People marry with whom the find their future secure.
I mean you are going to marry who has got a good salary, good job, good reputation.
And all the comforts.
But the main thing is love is missing.
You both speak but still there is silence.
There is a talk between you but it is just formal.
Love becomes show off.
You are lost somewhere, under your name of the husband.
You are worried about only the status of the society.
You don't care about love.
You care about what people will think.

If you are really searching for a husband with money, good reputation, a sophisticated person in this fake society.
It's the biggest you are ever going to make.
You are lost somewhere with your brain that you don't even realize to listen to what your heart says.
Just listen to it once.
Forget about this society.
Just live your life with love.
If you find love, Happiness will always follow you.
May be salary will be low.
You would not be able to travel in business class.
Maybe you would have a small moped.
Maybe you would not be able to go to five star restaurants.
But you'll love each other.
No matter how your lifestyle is you will be happy.

And the guys, who are important in shaping in this fake society.
I really do think that not some in fact most of the guys sees girls as a sex object.
I don't know why I have such feelings but that's true.
A guy is going to marry a girl I think for sex only.
I don't know may be I'm wrong.
But when it comes to feelings in guys I really hate that part.
Although guys are okay.
I don't know about the girls.
Maybe some of the girls are like that too.
Use the guy for money.
Then it's over.
 Maybe I'm wrong about the guys and girls.
But it's my perception.
So please don't mind.

But just find a true love.
I know it's really  difficult to find.
And It's rare actually.
But don't follow the norms which society or parents sets for you.
Live your life.
I know it will help you.
I bet on it.

A confession of past..

Today is 18 September 2012,
My old friend's birthday.
I was in college wished him through the the phone only.
I talked to him, it felt good. The past we talked about.
The future plans.
On that day I went for a movie with my college friends.
The name of the movie was "Barfi".
It was a emotional movie.
Made me upset.
I cried it reminded me of something.
I was so much traumatized. I was in deep pain.
I was not able to cry even.
I cannot cry in the class.
Not in front of my friends.
They know I'm sensitive.
There is a kid in my neighborhood.
He is autistic, He is special.
He comes to my home.
I remember, I hurt him once.
I was a menace.
I didn't care for his feelings.
I was not patient with him.
I hurt him.
I hurt him because he was not able to express.
I was there hurting him.
Crushing his hand.
I'm feeling guilty.
I know there is no way to repay it.
Today when I was sitting in the lecture classroom it came like a flash to my mind.
I was feeling so much guilty.
I could not explain.
I was feeling like that I was using my power on that little hands.
There was no mistake of him.
Why would he do any mistake?
I didn't enjoy hurting him.
But why would I hurt him?
I was a bad person at that moment.
I was a menace.
I'm asking God to forgive my sins.
I repent.
Please God forgive me.
Show me your path of light.
Show me the way to correct that mistake.

Don't eat what your soul dosen't accepts...

Day before yesterday, We were at the small cafe. I ordered the chicken sandwich there and one of my friend came who was pure vegetarian. I said to him don't eat it. But he put that sandwich in the mouth.
So I don't know why??
I'm not feeling guilty. I want to feel guilty.
I also didn't apologies to him.
May be I should do him.
But after this I will not have courage to face him. So Lord what should I do?
Loose my friendship forever or just be the kind of fake friends?
And I have dream today, at 08:26 p.m.(that's the time when I woke up).
I saw that I, my school friend, and one of my friend from my colony, we were drinking, and I saw that he was cooking chicken(Isn't that weird) or it is that only I'm making it weird to appear.
I don't know..
He said that he has not eaten non-veg for the past 20 years.. and due to me I ate it..
I don't know..
About my mind.. I think it's weird..
very weird.
~Thank you

I wish I could give back your life..

Today, I visited Domino's with my ex-roommates probably my closest friends here..
Firstly, we get down at our subs..
Then we felt that such we haven't ate anything. So one of my friend went to Domino's and we were waiting for his orders to come. There I saw a lady of mid thirty's or early forty's there.She was beautifully dressed, wearing salwar suit.
I could see her eyes covered with eyeliner. I could see her face having mild make-up.
She reminds me of something. She was with her family. A joint family.
She went behind the table. She was standing and reading the views/comments of the people about Domino's. I didn't write any of my comment there.
May be I have written one. And she could have read it.
She was keeping herself busy with other activities, and not involving herself with family matters.
What was it that was worrying me?
May be reading the above lines you would feel that I was attracted towards her.
I wouldn't deny this also.
A mere spark of attraction was there. But it was not sexual.
That was a feeling of care. Care for the human.
I was afraid of talking to her. Afraid of this world. Afraid of what people might think.
I see feeling of depression in her face.
I could see she was forced to live such kind of life.
Life which she did not love.
I could see she was not happy.
I could see the fake smile on her face.
I don't wish to see this again.
Who likes to see this kind of smile?
I just wanted that she could have life what she wants.
I wish I could give back her life....

That Girl... In Yellow boots..

All this men, men of all ages, are pervert.. I don't know Why??
Why are they pervert?
Why are they so desperate to Fuck?
All they want is FUCK!! And that's all.
The father fucked her 15 year old daughter.
And she killed herself.
And then he wanted to have sex with her another daughter..
And he said that he loved his daughter..
This all world..
This men living in the world why do they want to have SEX?
What is the matter with their harmones?
Why cannot they say just NO to a woman who asks them??
The bastard, moron... was a regular customer to massage parlor and when he was asked to have a hand job.. he said YES... What if he could have just say NO..
That would made such a large difference..
If he is so much desperate to throw out his fluid... then why just he masturbates himself??
I don't think that to have sex should be banned.. or people who are reading must be thinking that I'm against sex..
but that's not.. I only want that do sex willingly without any bet or in exchange of something. And both the partners should agree to have sex.
sex is not done to throw out your frustration..
Sex should not be done against anyone's will.